I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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