Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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