I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she pinky promised me she was 18
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
