I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
