You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
