I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
