Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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