I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
