no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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