That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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