I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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