pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
