i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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