Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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