I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
