is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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