Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
