I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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