The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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