We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
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Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
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I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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