hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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