Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
