I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Bring me that man meat
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
