You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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