i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
