HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
