One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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