I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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