Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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