its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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