You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
