you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
