Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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