I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
