The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
