i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
