He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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