I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I need a beard to bite.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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