I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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