the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
so much tequila, so little girl.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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