You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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