I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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