this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
