he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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