Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
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I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
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Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.