My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture