Texts From Last Night

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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.

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  (931): Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight. http://tfl.nu/ee6d
  Replies (5) Good night (2253) Bad night (786)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.

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  (905): Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine. http://tfl.nu/hm69
  Replies (12) Good night (1342) Bad night (4105)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM

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  (606): I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM http://tfl.nu/m9e8
  Replies (6) Good night (958) Bad night (5614)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?

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  (850): When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember? http://tfl.nu/i061
  Replies (6) Good night (2850) Bad night (996)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin

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  (312): The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin http://tfl.nu/3kj0
  Replies (3) Good night (912) Bad night (2801)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?

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  (214): Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up? http://tfl.nu/f130
  Replies (9) Good night (3762) Bad night (806)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?

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  (212): Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'? http://tfl.nu/4fhn
  Replies (18) Good night (1878) Bad night (877)
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  (619): View more from California

  you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.

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  (619): you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list. http://tfl.nu/xg4q
  Replies (24) Good night (2025) Bad night (710)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?

  (903): View more from Texas

  I would peed on everything

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  (361): WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM? (903): I would peed on everything http://tfl.nu/6qp3
  Replies (4) Good night (533) Bad night (656)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto

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  (314): He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto http://tfl.nu/i261
  Replies (3) Good night (346) Bad night (681)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.

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  (863): I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable. http://tfl.nu/j0cs
  Replies (0) Good night (363) Bad night (431)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.

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  (613): I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season. http://tfl.nu/8rh9
  Replies (4) Good night (769) Bad night (394)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?

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  (613): Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza? http://tfl.nu/8k2m
  Replies (4) Good night (698) Bad night (386)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.

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  (734): You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down. http://tfl.nu/tbv8
  Replies (1) Good night (491) Bad night (358)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's

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  (757): My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's http://tfl.nu/2yaw
  Replies (2) Good night (455) Bad night (224)

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