Texts From Last Night

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them

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  (269): I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them http://tfl.nu/yhv5
  Replies (2) Good night (1397) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.

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  (404): standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture. http://tfl.nu/15y7
  Replies (36) Good night (12599) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!

  (602): View more from Arizona

  so its atleast an 8 for creativity.

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  (480): he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?! (602): so its atleast an 8 for creativity. http://tfl.nu/ungw
  Replies (22) Good night (1387) Bad night (5606)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.

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  (703): Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor. http://tfl.nu/fx2a
  Replies (4) Good night (2886) Bad night (1827)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat

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  (402): I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat http://tfl.nu/ufc8
  Replies (24) Good night (2361) Bad night (3322)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

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  (518): he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials." http://tfl.nu/vm6j
  Replies (20) Good night (8860) Bad night (1615)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.

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  (763): Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always. http://tfl.nu/ugs1
  Replies (11) Good night (2188) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.

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  (562): The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend. http://tfl.nu/pf8e
  Replies (5) Good night (1330) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"

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  (952): Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?" http://tfl.nu/w3wv
  Replies (12) Good night (2589) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...

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  (503): So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address... http://tfl.nu/a3xh
  Replies (7) Good night (1738) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.

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  (231): A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners. http://tfl.nu/ba89
  Replies (11) Good night (2281) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.

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  (954): I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days. http://tfl.nu/jvfc
  Replies (1) Good night (931) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)

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  (209): Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar) http://tfl.nu/xy0l
  Replies (4) Good night (1492) Bad night (419)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.

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  (915): People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling. http://tfl.nu/el49
  Replies (8) Good night (1212) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live

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  (402): You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live http://tfl.nu/nu1y
  Replies (0) Good night (297) Bad night (467)

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