I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.