Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
