You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.