You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
