Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
