atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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