Just cropdusted the office
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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