You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
