Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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