Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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