I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
