morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
