If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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