Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
