Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
