is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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