This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
