I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
