my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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