it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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