that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
