Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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