So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
